Reasons why men cheat
First of all, men don’t always cheat, but when theydo, here are some possible reasons:
- They are not ready to have commitments.
- They no longer feel satisfied/stimulated in their current relationship and are too cowardly to end the relationship.
- They are concerned aobut their financial/living situation if they end the relationship, but do not feel fulfilled in it.
- They like various sex partners.
- They crave the initial excitement and illicitness of a “secret” affair.
- They need to feel desired and their partner does not fulfill that need.
- Men are single-minded and don’t think about the consequences of their actions.
- Some men cheat because they think they can get by with it.
- Some cheat because they don’t take their relationships seriously.
- Guys cheat because many of them increasingly feel powerless in a society that is giving women more rights & powers in the domestic & public spheres.
- Men stray outside of long-term relationships to remember what it was like to be desirable and free. “Schedules” and routine destroy self image.
- The woman’s sex drive isn’t what it was when you first got married.
- Having sex with more than one woman is an ego boost for those with low self-esteem.
- Men cheat because they are bored in their current relationships
- The man perceives that the partner is bored with or no longer interested in sex.
- Lack of or poor communication with the spouse/girlfriend can lead a man to cheat.
- other people are something new and different
- you have no old baggage with someone new
- maybe they want something with ”no strings”
- different people have different likes and dislikes
- their spouses might not be interested in doing the sexual things the men want to try out (e.g. oral, greek, 3-ways, etc.) or even afraid or morally against such kinks.
- Try not to forget, both genders cheat. However the crazy women who get hung up on men cheating write about it on websites, the CLEVER CRAZY women simply call an abroad talking clock from his mobile and run up �5000 bill.
- I’ve found that in the case of both men and women, it’s either one of two things, 1) a mistake, something that happened in a moment of weakness, or 2) they are unhappy in their current relationship and either want out and have decided to take the easy way out, or are having a hard time communicating about the problem with their spouse.
Another thing I’ve found is that I think relationships create a sense of safety and that people who cheat feel like they can now “date” from a point of strenght. When your single I think alot of people spend most of their dating time trying to find someone just to have someone their and so they choose a mate who is safe just because being single is lonely to some people, and they feel the need to hurry and get it over with and find someone ASAP. Once in a relationship though they can kind of date chosing people they might be more physically attracted to or feel is their ideal and can do so with out caring too much about rejection since they already have someone to go home to. I really think this happens in alot of cases, and I think if people were more honest with themselves and about what they want out of life then alot of cheating would end.
- Unfaithful behavior in a man is often precipitated by a perception that his spouse is bored in the bedroom, which he attributes to a lack of sexual desire on her part. Whether this perception is real or imagined, and whether the fault lies in his behavior or hers (or both), the eroding effect it can have on the relationship is brutal.
A man’s self-image is largely attached to his sexual prowess… that’s just how men’s heads are wired. Also, a man will often feel betrayed when a woman’s early, clearly expressed desire is later replaced with indifference and boredom, especially when that transition occurs shortly after marraige. The man might feel as though her earlier sexual interest was feigned or exaggerated with the specific intent to enter the security of marraige, at which time she drops the act as unnecessary.
A man might cheat in this scenario either to “get back” at his spouse, to receive the desire he feels is due him (but cheated out of by his wife), or as part of a pattern of self-destructive behavior due to a lowered self-esteem.
The solution, then, is true communication, not just talking. If a woman wants something more– or something different– in the bedroom, SHE MUST TELL HIM. Keeping it from him to spare embarrassment, or to spare his feelings, is poison.
- When a man or a woman cheats while they are married, it is obvious that they do not love their spouse the way they used to. Another reason may also be they do not want to stay in the relationship but feels they can not get out of the marriage for some reason (i.e. presure from family, religion, don’t want to looked upon as failure, so on so forth). Cheating is wrong despite the reasons. SO DON’T DO IT PEOPLE. Get out of what you are in then go for the other person. That is the chance we all have to take in life if you want something new and exciting!
- It’s a myth! Not all men cheat! It just isn’t men who can cheat, but women are running a close second during these modern times. Contrary to popular belief there are some successful relationships.
Here’s some news for some of you that think all men cheat and it’s OK simply because it’s expected of them …. I don’t believe I’ve read in any book or any history book that the law is “men have the right to cheat.” It’s cheap, it means the person has no respect for themselves and absolutely no respect for those around him/her. When you cheat it’s because you are immature, unsure of yourself and need to prove you still “have it in you.”
I have known my husband for 38 years, and been married 33 years and neither of us have cheated. Have we felt like it? I’m sure on one or two occasions when things were tough we felt like packing it in and doing so, but we talked it out and came to compromises. We respect each other. If we decided to call it quits we wouldn’t cheat, but sit down with each other and tell the truth.
We live in a society where many people don’t try anymore. It appears easier to sulk, get angry and find any excuse to leave a mate whether married or not. Well folks, we don’t keep our looks forever and one day it all comes full circle.
I think of my marriage like I am a contender in a race I really want to win (not coming in 2nd or 3rd) but winning! It’s tough, it takes courage, commitment, communication, sometimes a short vacation to cool off, but the hard work pays off and the rewards are endless if you “win that race!” For those of you that get glory out of skipping out on commitments, take a look at yourselves in the mirror in 30 years! You’ve heard of Dorian Gray!
- Ultimately it comes down to some need not being met. The majority of the time the cheating husband explains that the other woman made him feel good / excited / wanted / etc and they did not get that at home. Why cheat instead of ending the relationship that they are unhappy with? Fear of the unknows, children, perception of others if they ended the relationship, they are still in love with their spouse and hope that it will work out and the need will be fulfilled at home. I found some excellent information at http://www.infidelity-help.us.com/ that helped to answer these types of questions.
- Why do men cheat? well i think the answer for each is different. I myself landed on this website searching for a plausible answer myself. I don’t believe that all cheaters are in it just for the sex. Sex is the tool sometimes. Almost everyone said it. They are looking for something they aren’t getting at home. Attention, love, support, frienship, the need to feel wanted, something new and don’t forget something old. I happen to know a man who is getting maried and is cheating on his fiance with an old girlfriend. It is true that some people have sex additions and those people should not get married however society suggest that marriage is the appropriate thing to do. Which adds to my next point. Just because a man marries you or a women marries a man does not mean they made the right choice. It’s much easier to settle now and wander later than to be patient and wait for someone who totally fullfills you. Our society is lazy when it comes to making importnt choices. One night stands are different than affairs. One one night stands are typically mistakes. Affairs are more deeply rooted. Someone wrote ” the time that is spent hiding the affair and the thought involved with making up lies could easily be spent investing in the relationship they are in to make it better” hmmm well there is your answer. The choice is there. A man or woman who truly respects their partner would make the obvious and correct choice. If you think your man or woman is cheating..follow your gut its usually correct. and ladies it’s not your fault…unless you are allowing it. I do agree that men and women will treat you however you allow them to. Its basic sociology.
- Some men (and women) may simply have emotional problems. Perhaps their value system was influenced while growing up by yet another person with poor and selfish or tacky nasty judgment.
Cheating can also be from incredibly low self esteem, little self worth, an emotional problem, untreated adult ADHD/ADD, substance abuse problems, maybe dad cheated too, maybe mom cheated, maybe the cheater is simply a person wihtout much of a conscience or a really great liar who will forever lie about important things to anyone’s face.
There are decent men out there (and women) who understand what integrity, dignity, and self respect are. Sure, they do not come a dime a dozen, but that’s why people should be very choosey, not rush into anything, not ignore warning signs or little red flags going up in their head through the dating process, etc.
The first time you even SUSPECT you have a liar or that you found out you have a liar, you can give the benefit of the doubt. The second lie, ok, maybe I missed something, but picking up on the third bold face lie? Time to go no matter how much you love that person. NO matter how great the sexual chemistry is. No matter how much they make in income, no matter how far along the pregnancy, etc.. Once you know what is going on, DO NOT IGNORE IT. It is time to grow up, face reality, and get the hell away from screwed up filth that know how to cry and talk their way out of a paper bag.
- Listen I can not speak for all men. but I will state that all men do have or will have a desire to cheat. Rather they act on this desire is totally a different issue but the desire will come nonetheless. I have been married for almost seven years now and I am in excellent condition because I work out and I am handsome and attractive fellow. My wife also is a very attractive woman with guys hitting on her more then I would care to see. But neither one of us has ever gone outside of the relationship. To be frank I have had my opportunities on many occasions where a woman who knows I am married will just come right at me and say “hey what’s up” if you know what I mean. So I wouldn’t say if the opportunity is there men will cheat because the opportunities have been there many of time but I love my wife and family too much to risk losing them over a 15, 30, 45, minute screw after which I am going to be beating myself up for falling into temptation like that.
- As for most, not all men cheat.. I myself have never cheated on my wife of going on 6 years now. Never even considered the option.. the whole prospective of views you are laying out is totally disturbing. You have to wonder why the guy cheats here, these apply to both genders:
A.) Sexual relations with spouse: A good sex drive is healty for both, not only that but the relationship as well. Putting your spouses attentiveness aside to sleep when the other wants something, enough times, pushes the other away.
B.) Lack of trust/respect: The main point of a relationship is trust. There can’t be trust if you don’t respect your partner enough to allow them their own privacy. Sure, every relationship has bumps.. I’ve not see one who doesn’t have a disagreement or fight, but when it goes to the point of pointing fingers, having the other followed, having to snoop to cure your own feelings about your spouse, than it’s prolly time that you get out before you do more harm.
(If you blame them for the above and they aren’t, then you’ll pushing them in that general direction. If you’re getting blamed for it, might as well do it)
C.) Maturity: as shown in these posts.. a lot of people don’t have them even here. To the point of marriage, it takes a maturity rating above 0 for it to work, devotion, and hard work. Marriage isn’t a game, and admit it, women are good at head games.. men try and keep up, but fail.
To sum it up, if you’re not devoted to one another completely, with trust, honesty, and respect. Your relationship is bound to fail. A relationship was meant to grow, not poof and there it is. The persons maturity has a lot to do with it, along with their background.
Now before you completely point a finger, think your ‘man’ is cheating, think about it. There are signs that something could be wrong, but those signs are so general in view that women take a couple and jump the gun, causing more fights and problems than it’s worth..
An example here would be my life (yes, there have been doubts on my end). More over, it wasn’t myself who was having the thoughts of affair, but my spouse. It was a flirt that went further than expected, but not as one would classify “home run”. We are about as different as night and day in some areas, but we don’t allow that to create much of an issue. I’m ex military, I love the outdoors.. she’s more of a couch patato.. where does that leave us? “OH HE’S HAVING AN AFFAIR BECAUSE HE WENT FISHING ALL DAY!! No, not at all, there is a little more respect than that, but it takes the trust for it to develope to the point.. along with maturity.. I hide nothing from my wife, and she knows when somethings bothering me, as I do her. Communication is a great foundation for a relationship.. but it only works with trust and respect for your partner. Both parties in the relationship aren’t going to like/enjoy the same as the other, but a compromise is what is going to be required. In the instance of our indoor/outdoor differences, miniture golf! A quick outdoors game she can enjoy..
So before you go pointing fingers, or snooping, talk with your spouse.. in most instances it’s more an indifference that creates the whole “he’s cheating” rather than the actual thing.
- I think some men do it because sometimes they just think of women as posessions: like a car. Maybe they’re not bad guys but in certain times they forget that a relationship is supposed to be about love. A guy will always want a better car if he can afford or get it. It doesn’t even matter how great the car you’re in right now is…if you see a better, more expensive, shinier car (or how it seems in your mind)…you want it. When they can get it…they take it.
And even if it was a mistake…things will never be the same because you’ve shown your significant other that you think they’re not enough.
The women they cheat with, if they do know that the man is taken, is insensitive or narcisistic. They love the attention and don’t care how they get it. If a man who cheats with you on their loved one, it must mean you’re really something: it makes them feel good about themselves.
This of course, does not apply to every man or woman…I’m…just offering one point of view.
- Men probably cheat for the same number of reasons women do. However, I was once told by a marriage counselor that one of the reasons men cheat is to experience sexual fulfillment without any attachments (no responsibility, no commitment, no worry, no love). I suppose its the “sexual freedom” that is exhilerating for men. That doesn’t mean they don’t love their wives, it just means that their wives have that “attachment” that can’t be separated in their love. Further, its highly possible that many men do not understand the concept of changing love. I think that’s why they experience the “seven year itch”. Psychology books explain that “romantic love” cannot last longer than 5 years and then the love turns into companionate love. I think that most men feel as though the love has diminished when the romance diminishes. However, if given the chance, they could learn that companionate love can be romantic and a much deeper love that can last forever. But there’s probably many other contributing factors such as boredom, low self esteem, feeling unappreciated or unattractive. The bottom line is that when men cheat (or women) most of the time there’s no-one to blame but themselves.
- This is such a comliplicated issue for a behavior that is essentially very simple. Men need to have sex- and that’s the end of it. We can draw a line very easily between sex and love. This is something that is not as easy for most women to do (as far as I know).
Sex gets boring after a while for most people. I know many couples who are together or married for a number of years and they all have the same complaints about the lack of sex: both the women and the men. Presumably no one is cheating in those relationships. Most of them joke about it- but there’s always a little truth in those kinds of jokes.
Ask yourself: what’s wrong with a little sex on the side (health risks aside). Most people would agree that we’d all be happier if we had it more often. I’m sorry of this offends anyone- but for people who expect to get married and only have sex with the spouse for ever, well, that’s terribly arrogant in my view. I think I am reasonably skilled a sex after my 36 years- but I know that sometimes the fire gets a little lower (read as “boring”) for me and my spouse. I can tell you that I quietly get some elsewhere when I need to and I suspect very strongly that “she” (my spouse) does too. We don’t discuss it, we are both adults and I can tell you that I am crazy about my spouse. I would lose my mind if I was ever alone with out her. My feelings in this area have not a single thing to do with sex.
I know women are very tortured by this. I have heard this subject come up a lot with women over the years and I don’t expect my few paragraphs to be a revelation to anyone; but I hope it’s a little helpful to some worried women out there.
Don’t worry. It’s just sex. Be smart and see the larger picture.
- *I just read every post on the cheating issue and only a few made any sense to me. I was shocked at what a dismal prospect most of you make. I especially like the one about God, and also the ex military man. Thank you! I was beginning to think I was reading a cheap novel and not a good one at that.
I was disgusted that most of you took it so lightly that ALL MEN cheat and it’s simply not a true statement. I left a post and I’ve been married for 33 years, and one thing my husband and I pride ourselves on is honesty. If we weren’t happy with each other we would divorce and not cheat! Cheating is immature, low, deceitful and a cop out!!! Most of my married friends have been married for over 30 years and only 2 of them cheated (both were women!)
I am not saying each of us hasn’t been close to wanting more attention, more affection at times, but cheating doesn’t resolve a thing. It’s just cheap thrills.
I’m getting tired of the male bashing here. Women are a mess! That stat of 59% of women cheat on their men is so true and if you want to talk about egos and being vein then ladies … you are the icing on the cake! Women are more interested in themselves, how they look, are they beautiful, do they have a good figure, etc., etc. They are either whining about diets, plastic surgery, yadda, yadda, yadda. Most women simply need to get a life and get a hobby, volunteer (actually do something for someone else without getting paid for it) and not hang off their mates expecting one compliment after the other.
The statement a poster made “if the guy didn’t cheat then he wasn’t very attractive” is simply not true. My hubby is a hunk and women are all over him and not once has he cheated on me. Am I stupid enough to think he has eyes only for me … nope! I think he has fantacies of being with one of those women, but, he stays with me. I have fantacies too, but both of us agree on one thing … “look, don’t touch!”
I’ve been cheated on before with my first husband. Not only did he cheat on me, but his mistress. I refused to let that idiot sour me against men, because I have met some fine men in my time.
Do your research! People cheat because they are spoiled, self indulgent and it’s easier to cheat then to face up to failure and it’s easier to use the excuse that one is bored with his/her spouse … what a lousy cop out!
Something none of you mentioned was diseases out there. If you cheat on your mate and sleep with one person, that person could have slept with 10 or more people and are you sure you haven’t picked up a surprise to bring home to your wife or your hubby? Really think about that one.
There are no excuses for cheating! If you’re lonely from lack of affection, you are bored, you don’t feel loved, then at least have the guts to separate and see someone else. You know why you don’t do it? Because most of you want your cake and eat it too. You want to be sure if the new relationship doesn’t work out you can come back to “home sweet home.” What weaklings!
Some people hate commitments in this modern society and are so idiotic about what they read and see on TV they think they can bop their way through their lives and not hurt their partners. Now how selfish is that one?
As far as what men did 1,000 years ago, I don’t think I want to be hit over the head and dragged into some cave and chew on a piece of rawhide the rest of my life. We evolved thank God!
Speaking of God, I do agree with that poster, but one thing, there is infidelity in the Bible and not everyone got married.
If I wanted to have more than one husband I’d have to be out of my mind! One is enough! If you can’t handle one, then you sure as heck can’t handle more.
The old saying goes, “Some men open their flies and their brains fall out” but hey, ladies … “some women can open their mouths too much but little of what they have to say makes sense!”
Simple conclusion … men and women can cheat, but NOT ALL of us cheat! Nice going. You lose!
- It is quite simple. People cheat on their spouses because they have no concept of love. All they can fathom in life is stuffing their corpulant lips with as much pleasure inducing poision as possible, all the while becoming more twisted and distraught. They only understand base animal pleasure, and therefore are unable to accept and adhere to the deep concepts of the soul.